In a deeply moving interview, Ruth Langsford opened her heart about the devastating impact of losing her beloved sister Julia to suicide, revealing the grief that continues to haunt her years later.
The 66-year-old Loose Women star spoke candidly about the immense pain she still feels, admitting that despite years of reflection, she has come to the heartbreaking realization that she may never understand why Julia chose to end her life. “I miss her so much,” Ruth said, her voice trembling as she struggled to put her feelings into words.
Julia Johnson, 62, who had battled depression for many years, was found dead at her home in Lingfield, Surrey, by her husband Paul in June 2019. Reflecting on her sister’s death, Ruth described the lingering torment of unanswered questions: “Why? Why? Why?”
On the Happy Place podcast with Fearne Cotton, Ruth explained: “Suicide is such a tragedy. Those left behind are left with endless questions. Over time, I’ve had to accept that I’ll never know why, and nothing can bring her back.” She added, “The only way to make sense of it and ease the pain is to accept that she didn’t want to be here, and there was nothing I could have done to change that.”
Ruth also spoke about the haunting guilt many people feel after a loved one dies by suicide. “You question yourself constantly—could I have done something? Why didn’t we see it? Why didn’t she tell us? But there are no answers, because she’ll never tell us why.”
Her work in television became a lifeline during this dark period. “I missed her terribly, but I knew she wouldn’t want me to live in sadness. I cried a lot and took time off, but eventually I reminded myself: she wouldn’t want this for me. Work became my anchor,” Ruth shared.
Ruth has described 2019 as “the hardest year” of her life and credited her then-husband Eamonn Holmes for his unwavering support during that time. In interviews, she revealed that she even considered stepping away from television entirely, feeling it was impossible to appear cheerful on screen while grieving. Eamonn encouraged her to continue, reminding her she had so much to live for.
In conversations with Kaye Adams on the How to be 60 podcast in 2023, Ruth reflected on the long-lasting toll of her sister’s death. “The year she died was the hardest of my life. I’ve blocked much of it from memory because it was unbearable,” she admitted. To cope, she relied on a strict routine: crying in the shower, then forcing herself to focus on work, using structure as a way to survive each day. “You can’t lock your grief in a box,” she emphasized.
Shortly after Julia’s passing, Ruth shared a heartfelt tribute on Instagram: “My lovely sister Julia has sadly died after a very long illness. My heart is completely broken. She was the kindest and gentlest soul, and I will miss her forever. I need to take time to grieve with my family—thank you for your understanding.”
Ruth’s openness about her sister’s death and the ongoing journey through grief is a powerful reminder of the lasting impact of suicide on those left behind and the vital importance of seeking support in times of unimaginable loss.
